Ps. Ben's prayer still resonated in my spirit that i'm not too compare myself spiritually and in my talents. But to trust in him , be faithful in serving gladly and continue to walk with him.
Reflecting about it, it's very true what God has said to me through Ps.Ben. I've been battling with a jealousy and irrational fear of being unused back in EBC. Especially in the Sat Night Service during the long holiday breaks, not once did i serve. In the English service i served only once. I was bitter and confused. Did i do something wrong? Did i hurt anyone? I even tried, mind my derogatory term "suck-up" to people so that maybe the leaders would notice me.
No avail........
It's when during my latest holiday, i expected nothing, and just let go and let God suddenly i got a message from Wilson to ask me to serve. I was really surprised.
Another thing i have to mentally stop doing is to also not compare my skills level with another. Eg: I'm bad in hearing chord progression in minor/major especially when the note is a MINOR and you have to play a MAJOR chord. It's very confusing. I practiced hard but nothing seem to change much. I will always judge another pianist's skill on stage and sometimes being a little bitter if they are better. So yeah it's really my fault.
It's when i let go and let God take over , the anointing comes, and i play smoothly and with "better hearing" .
Conclusion: Stop being kiasu and kia-God. Lol.
It's still a stage 1 on the learning curve but it's necessary to move on. The silver medal vision that Mark gave me the other day was a description of what i really felt when i'm just all Gold from God's perspective.
Don't compare
Just prepare
Don't be bitter
Be a worshipper.
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