Pesticides for Pesty pests

Yes the titles says it all.

Ever since i came back from Miri, the house is filled with crawling with irritating ants almost everywhere. I don't know where their nest is but it is gonna drive me crazy . Every nook and cranny, the ants are looking places to build their nest. Leave my laptop on the table and soon ants will try crawling into it slipping through the vents and compartments. An ant even manage to crawl into the LCD screen. Absent-mindlessly, i squashed the ant thinking that it was outside the screen. Now i have a squashed ant in the LCD and i do not know how to get it out the "preserved" dead ant.

Yesterday i open my drawer for my *coughundergarmentscough* and there they were ants marching up and down . Good thing i saw them if not i would be itching ALOT. Not only that, poison seem not to work these days. You know the China made pesticide chalk? Ants are smarter now. They know how to march around it. Ants used to stupidly cross the chalk line and they commit suicide thereafter. I suppose ants have ants school to save their lives.

We also have a four-legged robber which is much much annoying too. The cat never fails to steal food from our house and contaminate them. It bites through plastic to attack the bread and smartly know how to open food covers to get to the fish. It also eats chicken and attack the anchovies which are commonly used in our vegetables. For many years these cats have been faithfully attacking our house. Once they have baby kittens they bring them to our house to teach them how to steal. We've tried:

1. Curried fish
2. Detergent-Loaded fish (they still survive)
3. Rattan-scare scheme
4. Water spray

I think PETA will hate us alot. However, the cats never seem to go away. The best was the rattan scare scheme. As the cats always come from the back gate, my brother will hide there with a rattan in his hand. I also had a rattan while i scare the cat from the front. Once it runs to the back my brother will scare it and try to hit it with the rattan. The cat gets scared and run towards my direction again and so i hit it. This goes along for a fey more times till it spotted a drain and hid there. THe stray Cat didn't come back for another 6 months. Effective, aye?
I know it is brutal but what to do? I dont' wanna be sick. We can't close the doors and windows all the time either. How to cook like that?


Anyone , help me to eradicate these pests??