Sudden Insecurity

These few days i've been thinking alot. I wonder the people around me are true friends. For a long time now i hadn't have a real best friend(other than Jesus of course). I just wish there is that someone that i can share my problems with, support each other, pray with each other and etc. I kinda miss that moments i had with a certain someone. Oh God, please sent that somebody

A sudden flood of insecurity came into me just these few days. I felt lonely. Seriously! I know i have friends but i suddenly doubt their sincerity. Sometimes i wish the thought bubbles in the comic books come into life one day. I wish that i could see the people's thoughts about me . I've noticed that hardly anybody starts a conversation with me. I tried not opening my mouth at all and see whether anyone would want to talk with me for a day. About 90% of the conversations i had were either me asking them or cutting into their conversation. I wished i had an eloquency in mandarin. Everyone speaks mandarin. Though i know and understand a little, i feel left out. Really left out. Am i having true friends or am i just "tepuk sebelah tangan"? Did anywhere went wrong? Sigh, only God knows..

Sincerely,
Broken Hearted Anders....